I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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