Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
