Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
