TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
