Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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