i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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