The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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