omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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