dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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