Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
