I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
