Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
