my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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