No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
