I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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