I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
