I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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