Already got asked if we're dating
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
