I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
