Got a toothbrush?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
