I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
