So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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