Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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