i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
