my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
