Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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