he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
