im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
