I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So apparently I’m into choking now
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