Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
