meet me or not, i'm out of control
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
