I puked a lego.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
