He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
