Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
