pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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