Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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