Do you still have your period?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
