she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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