After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
