I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He better not be in your backpack
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize