i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
