just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
