if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
