I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
