searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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