420 ftw
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
