Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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