She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i now understand why vodka
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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