I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
