Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
