So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm too high and old for this...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
