i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
