sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
