hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
