Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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