What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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