Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
