What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
