She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
