I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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