I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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