4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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