I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
