pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
