Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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