Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
