Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
