I'm gonna have a badass scar
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
