after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
