ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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