So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
