Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
