One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
