dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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