he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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