I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
