why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize