Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I understand Curling. That high.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
